I am always scared to write on topics like this because they are sensitive and most times except you have had the experience, you truly have nothing to say about it. Can you remember my story “the delay“? Well, this seem to be an off shoot from it.
I have so many dear friends I pray for, I have people I don’t even know but I believe God for them to have a baby, I cannot really feel their pain but you can tell that it must be hard to hang in there, some have had a child for years unending and they can no longer give the excuse that they are spacing to ‘concerned citizens’, some don’t even have at all, whatever the case is, their problems are valid; it may be with one child or with none.
My friend told me to reach out to people going through this or write on this topic and I told her, how do I tell people, “please share your pain” it is different when there is a success story afterward right? Also I cannot write on a topic that I have not really experienced, as I kept thinking about my friend’s brilliant Idea then I remembered how I felt recently and I have decided to share, it is pretty personal but not having a child is way damn personal too.
I have always wanted three kids(two boys , one girl) and though MrP has said two , we haven’t totally agreed on it, with the stress I went through for babyJ’s pregnancy, I was finally thinking maybe two, a boy and a girl, then I got pregnant the second time, my friends and I kept saying the sex we wanted, most wanted boys as they already had girls and some wanted girls. I remember, reminding God how I suffered during babyJ’s birth, how I just wanted a boy this time around, I remember the prayer and the giving out babyJ’s clothes by faith and then I realized I was going to have another princess, I have explained how I felt in my two of a kind post that I published yesterday but the kicker was when all my friends, I repeat all my friend got their boys and their girls. I was genuinely happy for them but I kept wondering why I was the only one that did not get what I wanted, I remember calling MrP to cry on the phone and he advised me.
Now what I went through can never be compared to what a lot of women are going through, out there, the ladies that gives birth and their baby dies immediately, the ones that have never carried a baby full term, the ones that have never had to get pregnant and the ones that have just one child, meanwhile everyone around you seem to be getting everything they want, they are even choosy, you have had to smile and wholeheartedly rejoice at the news of another birth, a set of twins, your younger sister that just gave birth, is pregnant again, your friend and lots more, some people have even cut you off because they are afraid of how you would feel at yet another success story, when you enter a room where they are rejoicing about a new birth, all eyes are on you, sometimes people have had to hide their joys to make you feel good, thinking you don’t notice…I salute your bravery, confidence and strength. I know there have been bitter tears, there have been mixed feelings, there have been questions, it is very okay to feel how you feel but remember to always at pick yourself up, wipe those tears and bounce back because weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning, you are being prayed for by me and so many other people out there, God would perfect all that concerns you and celebration would not leave your household.
Photo Credit: Penn Medicine