It is not a sweet experience when you ask for something nicely and you are still refused, in your mind, you say ” but I asked Nicely” Also most times when we ask God for a particular thing and we don’t get it, you are even more disappointed, you have exercised the faith that is so much preached about, you have scriptures to back up what you have asked God for, you have spoken it forth but it still did not come to pass…Just remember God gives perfect gift,in His time.
When I got pregnant the second time, I was so excited and sincerely looked forward to the child and prayed earnestly that it would come as a boy, I still remember the prayers, the position I was in and the talk I had with MrPossible afterward.
Then we moved from one city to another and we went to the hospital for annual checkup, well I pretty much escorted MrPossible there, I suddenly decided to see the doctor. We agreed earlier that we would both go together when we want to check the sex of our baby, but I just felt I should do it alone, that is how without any previous information, I ran to do the test myself.
I remember entering the dark room knowing that the next time I see the light, the truth would be known. I tried to stay calm but my heart was almost running out of my clothes, I bet if we had been quiet enough, the doctor would hear the beats. I tried to get myself stable on the table, wondering what would happen. Then he kept searching and fumbling with the computer, nodding and telling me how good and healthy the baby was, after he had finished his medical jargon, I asked, “and what is the sex?” Hoping that I had made a good show of complacency, and he finally said, “it is a girl!”
The words echoed around the room and the first thing I said was ‘oh no!’ I could see his face turn from a smile to a quizzical look, “I am disappointed you would say that.” I looked at him not sure what I have heard, asked him to check over and over again but it remained a girl.
I walked out of the room remembering everything I had said, prayed about, talked about with friends and family. I even gave out most of babyJ’s clothes. I wasn’t going to give up just yet, I kept convincing myself that the doctor was wrong. I went for a blood test downstairs as the doctor had prescribed and someone knocked on the door, not sure who it was, they opened the door to tell him someone was there and then he said, “okay I would… (wait outside)” Before he could finish his statement, I said please let him(Mrp) in and as soon as I saw him, I started crying( drama), I could not hold the waterworks, he was confused and thought my fear of needles had got the best of me, as he hugged me, I just kept saying, “I did not get what I want.” since he had no prior knowledge of what I was saying, I explained in whispers, the laboratory guys were so gracious to leave us there till I was done crying.
Then we took a break from the whole hospital stuff and went to the car to talk, as I cried, I could feel a sense of guilt and a little anger, also I felt like a spoilt child that her parents refused to get her yet another toy.
MrPossible told me how it is okay to cry since I did not get what I want, that it is normal then he later went on to say, I shouldn’t forget, all the great men have a daughter or two and next thing was ‘Obama has two daughters’..Am I Obama? Loll
On getting home, I started playing with the idea that the sex would change “it is Jesus report I would believe” because I was really convinced that I was supposed to have a boy…lol
The next morning during our prayers, I led it as I was feeling very ‘filled’ that day and I started asking that the baby be changed to a boy… Guess who was not answering Amen to my prayers? Mr Possible. Next day, same thing, the following day before I even started the prayer I had to call “enemy of progress” aka Mr Possible to order by asking why he wasn’t answering my prayers and this is what he said “God gives perfect gifts, he is God, he doesn’t make any mistake, he won’t say ‘oh my daughter, I forgot you wanted a boy, here he is, take a boy’ he gave you what he felt was best for us so I cannot really say Amen to the prayer.” As true and profound as this statement sounded, it almost shredded any hope that I had left. In honesty I had an emotional swing and I even had to talk to the baby one day in tears saying, “I love you, I am not upset with you, you are going to be an amazing child and you are born into so much love.” I also remember telling God, ‘I am not mad at you, I am just a bit spoiled and you know it’s painful when someone don’t get what they want.”BirthMay 12th was here as we walked into the hospital, I felt I did not know her much, but when she came out, MrPossible was so excited, smiling ear to ear, “she is so cute, see her lips, oh wow she is pouting!” When I met her, I was not thinking the sex she was, I couldn’t just believe that such a beauty came out of me.
Everyday I see her, she makes me smile, sometimes she may just make a gesture from her sleep like stretching and pouting same time and I would laugh out loud,even at night . She is indeed Gods’ perfect gift to me.
May I just point out that no gender is better than the other but it is a normal feeling to want to have another when you have got the other.
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